What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
PANTIES FOUND
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