Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
