my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry about my life...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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