her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
