she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
