take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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