Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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