Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
