i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
