the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
