Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And then he peed in my hair
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