when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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