Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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