i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
