I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
