I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
dude. I can hear the air.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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