Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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