Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
