My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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