Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
