I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
