Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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