Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Say something about gay babies.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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