he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
