Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
