Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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