i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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