he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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