11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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