I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
