So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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