i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
