He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
