According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize