i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
