Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
