My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
