Joe is yelling at the trees again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
