i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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