Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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