You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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