i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
