Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
