I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
