You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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