Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
