I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
