I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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