Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
