you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
