dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
