the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize