Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
