You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
