So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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