I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
