I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
