One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
