He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
