actually, I'm a sock model
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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