Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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