so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
