; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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