believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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