Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
