well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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