im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
