I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
