i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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