There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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