He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
