I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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